When Metaphors Go Wrong: The Problem with Calling Wives “Prized Possessions”

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I’ve spent time in patriarchal churches and read plenty of their books, but I recently heard something that caught me off guard. While listening to a sermon on 1 Peter 3, the pastor repeatedly referred to wives as their husbands’ “prized possessions.”

Wait—what? Surely, I misheard.

Nope. He said it again. And again.

As I sat there, trying to wrap my head around what he meant, my mind went to Song of Solomon 6:3:

“I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.”

This verse paints a picture of mutual belonging—not one person possessing the other.

Later, I asked the pastor about his wording. His answer was about his intention to highlight how God views His people (THE bride of Christ) and to encourage husbands to honor their wives in that way.

I understand the intention, but there’s a serious problem here. While Scripture does describe the church as Christ’s treasured possession (Exodus 19:5, 1 Peter 2:9), this language never applies to marriage. The relationship between Christ and the church is fundamentally different from that of a husband and wife—because we, as created beings, are not equal to God. However, husbands and wives are equal in essence, standing, and worth.

Why This Language is Problematic

1. It Creates a Scriptural Misalignment
   Nowhere does the Bible say a wife is her husband’s possession. Instead, it affirms their unity and equality. Mark 10:7-8 says: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.”
   One flesh. No hierarchy. No ownership.
2. It Risks Dangerous Misinterpretation
   Even if not intended abusively, calling wives “possessions” can reinforce the idea that they are property rather than partners—especially in church cultures that already overemphasize male authority. Like the husband who told his wife that if he said she has to cut her hair a certain way, she does.
3. It Lacked Necessary Explanation
   If the pastor’s goal was to highlight a husband’s honor and care for his wife, he should have made that clear. Without explanation, the wording promotes an unbiblical and potentially harmful view of marriage.

Words Matter

Marriage, as Scripture describes it, is not about ownership. It’s about oneness, mutual love, and sacrificial partnership. We need to be careful with the language we use—especially in the church—because words shape beliefs, and beliefs shape actions.

Let’s make sure our words align with the truth of Scripture, not cultural assumptions about gender roles.