The “Highest Calling” Myth: Where Did It Come From?

For as long as I can remember, I was told that being a wife and mother is the highest calling a woman could have. It was ingrained in church culture, echoed in sermons, and reinforced in the books and teachings that shaped my early years.

But as I’ve deconstructed so many things, this phrase had somehow slipped my mind—until recently.

I heard it again in a sermon, and it hit differently this time. If being a wife was truly the highest calling, why did Paul praise those who remained single? Why did Jesus, the very one we are called to follow, never say this? Was this belief even biblical?

I brought my questions to a friend who is an ordained minister, and he confirmed my suspicion—nowhere in Scripture does it say that being a wife and mother is the highest calling. Which led me to the next question:

Where did this belief come from?

A Convenient Consolation Prize

The idea that marriage and motherhood are a woman’s highest calling is most commonly taught in circles that enforce strict hierarchy in marriage and church leadership. These are the same spaces where:

• Women do not earn an income or are discouraged from working outside the home.
• Women hold no leadership roles in the church beyond nursery duty or meal preparation.
• Women are repeatedly told they are equal in value, but “different in role”—a phrase that conveniently keeps power in the hands of men.

So how do men in authority keep women from questioning why they have no say in the church?
How do they prevent women from noticing that while both men and women will rule and reign with Christ, only men are allowed to rule the church?

They elevate marital status and childbearing to sacred callings, making them seem like the ultimate spiritual achievement for women.

And by doing so, anything that might distract from that calling—like education, leadership, financial independence, or a career—is subtly (or not so subtly) framed as a dangerous deviation from God’s design.

But What About…?

If marriage and motherhood are a woman’s highest calling, what does that mean for:

• Women who remain single, either by choice or circumstance?
• Women who cannot have children?
• Widows?
• Women who feel deeply called to lead, teach, or serve in ways beyond domestic roles?

Did they somehow miss their calling? Did they stand at the back of the line when God was handing them out?

No. Because nowhere—not once—do we see Jesus or any of the apostles elevate a woman’s worth based on her marital status or ability to have children.

This idea didn’t come from God. It came from man.

The truth is, a woman’s highest calling is the same as a man’s—to love the Lord, serve others, and walk in the fullness of the gifts and purpose God has given her. That calling is not defined by marriage or motherhood. It is defined by who she is in Christ.